May 29, 2018 | Ruth FreemanParents often ask how to make kids listen and follow directions, how to stop yelling and nagging, and how to teach children respect. The truth is, the way parents speak impacts children’s ability to listen. Here are seven tips to help you get kids to listen without yelling.
“Walk please,” delivered in a positive, encouraging tone of voice works better than “Stop running!” delivered in an exasperated, threatening tone. Point to what you want. You get more of what you draw attention to. This is the most positive and effective way to get kids to listen and follow the rules.
Say, “I can’t understand you when you use that voice,” instead of “Stop whining!” Combine this simple description of how that voice effects you, with ignoring the tone of voice you hope to eliminate. You never want to reward undesired behavior with attention (even negative attention like nagging, reminding or coaxing), or you will get more of that negative behavior.
“How do we ask?” helps your child remind himself of the rules without you nagging. Again, only respond to the request when asked nicely.
“Can you tell me what I said?” invites your child to take an active part. Notice your tone of voice with this question. Refrain from an angry or threatening, “What did I say?” Some children can get triggered into a power struggle rather than cooperation depending on your tone of voice and approach.
It’s nice to have another chance, even for adults. “Try again,” or “Let’s have a redo,” are very economic verbal prompt. Remember, fewer words is always best.
“I know it’s hard,” is an eloquent empathy statement, which can be very encouraging. Your goal as a parent is to encourage, or put “courage in,” the child so she wants to try again. Too much correction or criticism can drain children.
“I noticed you followed my directions the very first time. Thank you so much for listening so well!” Catch your child being good. Be warm and enthusiastic. Describe their behavior in simple positive words and maybe add a gentle touch or gesture, like a hug or high five. We call this the “Praise That Works.” This type of descriptive praise is the single most powerful way to encourage more cooperation and get kids to listen. Children who frequently display challenging behaviors need this the most. It may be hard to find their cooperative behaviors, but the effort to focus on those will improve behavior in the long run – and strengthen your connection and their self-worth at the same time.
For more parenting support, join us for an Upcoming Live Workshop, browse our Libraries of Quick Video Solutions and check out our podcasts and other resources. Questions? Email us at Solutions@Peaceathomeparenting.com or learn more about our Corporate, School and NonProfit programs.
Back‑to‑school pressure is real Are they reading at grade level? Making friends? Sitting still? On a team? Turning
August 17 , 2025
The school year is here again—and with it comes that familiar mix of hope, expectation, and maybe a
August 10 , 2025
Watching Kids Struggle is Heartbreaking Watching your child struggle with friendships can be painful—even heartbreaking. At the start
August 03 , 2025
Why Back‑to‑School Emotions Often Trigger Parent Concerns The heightened emotions of the back-to-school season can feel exciting and
July 28 , 2025
This month at Peace At Home Parenting, we focused on something many families are struggling with: how to
July 20 , 2025
Let’s be honest—have you ever scrolled through social media, seen another family’s smiling vacation photo, color-coded snack drawers,
July 13 , 2025