Peace at Home Blog

How Parents Can Reduce Holiday Stress and Lighten the Mental Load

October 23, 2025 | Ruth Freeman

The holiday season is often described as “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for many parents, it’s also the most stressful. The pressure to create joy-filled memories while managing meals, gifts, travel, and traditions can feel overwhelming—especially when one person carries most of the weight.

Surveys show that nearly 20% of parents say holiday stress negatively impacts their family life, and women are significantly more likely than men to report feeling overwhelmed during this time. Much of this stress is linked to the mental load—the ongoing responsibility of noticing, planning, and ensuring everything gets done. Often invisible and unacknowledged, this labor affects not only parent wellbeing but also family dynamics.

Reframing the Holidays with Intention

A more balanced and meaningful holiday experience starts with small shifts. Here are some key strategies that can help:

• Name the Invisible Labor: Whether it’s remembering everyone’s wish list or coordinating family schedules, the first step is recognizing all the cognitive and emotional work involved—and who is doing it.
  
• Make the Planning Process a Family Activity: Instead of managing everything solo, invite children and partners to help plan meals, choose traditions, or brainstorm gift ideas. When kids feel involved, they’re more likely to appreciate the experience.
  
• Practice Gratitude Together: Daily practices like sharing “three good things” at dinner or writing appreciation notes can help shift focus away from perfection and toward connection.
  
• Create New Traditions: Ask your children what they remember from past holidays. Often, it’s not the decorations or presents—it’s the moments spent together. Use that insight to plan experiences over things.
  
• Prepare for Big Emotions: Holidays can stir up stress, grief, or tension. Normalize these feelings and plan ways to cope—whether it’s taking a break, reaching out to a friend, or simply acknowledging that not everything has to be merry all the time.
  

Why the Load Feels Heavy

One common challenge is that even when partners “help,” they often do so in the execution stage only—after someone else has done the mental labor of noticing and planning. This doesn’t actually reduce the stress of the primary planner. Shifting this pattern means clarifying responsibilities from the beginning—something the Fair Play Method emphasizes through its “conception, planning, execution” model.

Connection Matters Most

At the heart of these changes is a simple truth: children remember how the holidays felt, not how perfect they looked. Prioritizing presence over perfection helps families build memories rooted in joy, not stress.

Want to talk more about this topic?

Join us for a live workshop about sharing the work, building traditions, and finding peace during this season.

Lighten the Mental Load:
Create Meaningful, Low-Stress Holidays Together
Tuesday, October 28, 2025
12:00 Noon ET

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