Peace at Home Blog

You’re the Expert on Your Child: When to Trust Your Parenting Instinct

December 1, 2025 | Ruth Freeman, Aaron Weintraub,

When should you trust your parenting instinct?

You’re sitting in a small, quiet office. A professional—a teacher, a therapist, maybe a doctor—is sharing their observations about your child. They use words like “impulsive,” “anxious,” “sensory-seeking,” or “defiant.” They might even suggest a formal label or a specific diagnosis.

And as you listen, you feel a knot forming in your stomach.

It’s not that you think they’re wrong, exactly. Much of what they’re saying makes sense. But something feels… off. It’s just not the whole story. It doesn’t capture the bright, funny, loving, and complex kid you know.

So what do you do when the expert advice doesn’t quite line up with your gut?

First, let’s just pause and name that feeling. It’s so hard. We’re told to “trust the experts,” but our hearts are pulling us in a different direction. It can make you feel lost, confused, and even a little bit like a “bad parent” for daring to question a professional.

I want to tell you something really important: That gut feeling – that parenting instinct – is knowledge.

It’s not magic. It’s not denial. It’s data.

You’ve collected data from thousands of hours of holding, feeding, and comforting your child. Your data was gathered from watching them sleep, knowing their “I’m getting tired” cues, and seeing the look in their eyes right before they have a meltdown.

A professional is an expert in their field. They are an expert in child development, or anxiety, or ADHD, or how the brain works.

You are the expert on your child.

Both of you are essential. The goal isn’t to find out who is “right.” The goal is to build a bridge between what the professional knows about kids and what you know about your kid. Trust your parenting instinct.

You’re the Captain of the Ship

Think of yourself as the calm, compassionate captain of your family’s ship. A specialist or a therapist is like a trusted navigator who comes on board. They have charts and tools you don’t have. They can point out things you might miss—like “See that reef over there? That’s a common pattern for kids with this kind of wiring.”

That information is fantastic. It’s a gift.

But you’re still the captain.

You’re the one who knows how your ship handles in a storm. You know your crew. You are the one who has to stay on the bridge, hold the wheel, and make the final call about which way to turn.

When you feel that “gut” feeling, it’s your captain’s intuition telling you, “Wait, let’s check our own maps, too.”

How to Use Your Gut Feeling as a Tool

So, what does this look like in that quiet office? When you get that report or that piece of advice that makes your stomach clench, you don’t have to reject it or accept it – you can just get curious.

You can be your child’s secure anchor, right there in the room. You can be the calm center who is there to understand.

How to Communicate Your Parenting Instinct

Here are a few things you can say, either to the professional or to yourself:

• “That’s so helpful to know. I’m trying to connect that with the kid I see at home. At home, I notice…” This turns it into a partnership. You’re offering your “home data” to add to their “clinical data.”
• “A label is information, not an identity.” A diagnosis like ADHD, anxiety, or autism can be scary. But it doesn’t change a single thing about your child’s inner goodness. It doesn’t erase the good kid you know is in there. A label is just a flashlight. It’s a tool that can help you finally understand the why behind the behavior. It can help you see that the behavior (which is just communication) is a signal of a real need, not a sign that they’re a “bad kid.”
• “What’s one thing we can try that focuses on connection?” Sometimes, the advice can be very behavioral—all about charts and consequences. It’s okay to ask for strategies that strengthen your bond first. When our kids feel seen and secure with us, they are so much more open to our guidance. We almost always have to connect before we can correct.

At the end of the day, no label, no report, and no single piece of expert advice is more important than the relationship you have with your child.

That bond is your true north.

So, listen to the experts. Take their maps. Be grateful for their guidance. But never, ever let them silence that quiet, powerful voice inside you.

It’s not just a “gut feeling.” It’s your deep, intuitive, hard-earned wisdom. You are, and always will be, the expert on your child. Trust that.

Join Us Live

For more on this topic, join our Lunch & Learn Discussion:
Trust Your Gut as a Parent:
When to Follow (or Question) Professional Advice
Tuesday, December 9
12:00 PM ET

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