Peace at Home Blog

Lead Dads: The New Face of Fatherhood

May 23, 2024 | Aaron Weintraub

When I spent time with an old friend from college several years ago, my life was very much focused on parenting my two young children and adolescent daughter. I had built my private practice schedule around being home with my children when they were young, and home to greet them after school every day. When she was leaving my college friend reminded me that as long as she’d known me I had always wanted to be a dad above all other work ambitions.

Today, being a father and the primary parent responsible for nurturing and scheduling is sometimes referred to as “lead dad.” Being a lead dad expands the definition of fatherhood to involve far more than just financial support. It’s about being present, both physically and emotionally, for your children. It’s about changing diapers, attending school events, coaching soccer games, and having those tough conversations about growing up. It’s about taking on a lot of what is considered the “mental load” often carried by moms. It’s about building a strong foundation of trust and love that will last a lifetime.

The benefits of being a lead dad are undeniable. Children with actively involved fathers tend to have higher self-esteem, better social skills, and stronger academic performance. They also have lower rates of behavioral problems and are less likely to engage in risky behaviors. But it’s not just the children who benefit. Fathers who embrace this role often report feeling more fulfilled and satisfied with their lives. They experience a deeper connection with their children and a greater sense of purpose. Being a lead dad for me is something I am grateful for beyond words. My wife is a wonderful and engaged parent, and works long and unpredictable hours as a professor that made it necessary and possible for me to take the active role I craved in my children’s lives.

Of course, being a lead dad is not without its challenges. It requires a significant time commitment and can be exhausting at times. It also means having to confront your own insecurities and biases about masculinity. Because I was raised by a single mother, for me it meant figuring out what being nurturing looks like for a father. It also meant negotiating a challenge to people’s gender role expectations from two sides. From some parents there was extra scrutiny on the inevitable days with unbrushed hair and missed buttons (my kids, and sometimes me). Other interactions called for gently brushing aside the unearned praise for being a great father just for showing up in the most basic ways that mothers do all of the time. One thing is for sure, the rewards far outweigh the challenges (most days). 

So, what does it take to be a lead dad? It starts with a willingness to step outside of traditional gender roles and embrace a more hands-on approach to parenting. It also requires open communication with your partner, setting clear expectations, and being willing to compromise. And it’s important to remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Every family is different, and what works for one may not work for another.

The rise of lead dads is a testament to the evolving nature of fatherhood. It’s a recognition that fathers have a unique and valuable role to play in their children’s lives. And it’s a sign of hope for a future where fathers are celebrated for their love, support, and involvement, not just their ability to provide.

Want to join with others to think about the joys and challenges of being a lead dad? The Company of Dads founded by journalist Paul Sullivan who was a New York Times columnist for 13 years. Paul created The Company of Dads as a platform for men who are the “go-to” parents whether they work full-time, part-time or devote all of their time to their families.  

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