Peace at Home Blog

A Grandparent’s Take on the Sandwich Generation

May 2026 | Kathleen Harkins Weissenberger

There’s something deeply humbling about becoming a grandparent after spending your entire professional life advising thousands of parents from all walks of life over more than four decades.

You would think that, as the founder of Peace At Home Parenting, I would somehow be immune to all the classic grandparent mistakes. You would think I’d sit quietly, radiating wisdom and restraint, offering support only when invited.

You would be very wrong.

My daughter has two children under ten, and I adore them with every fiber of my being. They are funny and exhausting and sensitive and spirited and completely irresistible to me. Which means that when I see a parenting moment unfolding, a meltdown, a bedtime struggle, a food battle, a screen-time negotiation, every cell in my body wants to jump in with a helpful suggestion. 

Just a tiny one. Just a gentle observation. Just one incredibly wise sentence from someone who has spent decades teaching parenting skills.

My daughter, however, does not always experience my “wisdom” as a gift, especially about my granddaughter, who shares many of my traits – which I find interesting and my daughter finds, well, completely exasperating. 

Like almost all parents, my daughter really doesn’t love unsolicited advice. Even from me. Especially from me. And honestly? I get it.

Because when you’re raising children, you are already questioning yourself constantly. The last thing most parents need is another voice, even a loving one, subtly implying there might be a better way.

Still, restraining myself can feel almost physically painful. I can practically feel the advice rising in my throat. Unfortunately, both my daughter and my son-in-law can see all of those unspoken opinions on my face!

What has surprised me most is realizing that the more emotionally invested we are, the harder it can be to actually help.

That lesson became crystal clear when my daughter reached out to Peace At Home teacher Aaron Weintraub for support around one of the challenges she was having with her kids. I remember thinking, “Oh, I know exactly what she should do.” But thankfully, she didn’t ask me.

She asked Aaron. And everything shifted.

Not because Aaron necessarily knew more than I did (although I confess, our teachers often do!). But because he wasn’t emotionally tangled up in the situation. He could listen calmly. He could ask thoughtful questions. He could validate her experience without all the complicated family history and emotional static that exists between parents and adult children.

Most importantly, she could actually hear him.

Watching the very positive results of that consultation unfold was such an important reminder for me: our adult children do not need us to manage their parenting. They need us to trust them.

That doesn’t mean grandparents don’t matter enormously. We do. In fact, I believe, and science confirms, that grandparents can be one of the greatest protective forces in a child’s life. But our power comes less from directing and more from grounding. Less from correcting and more from calm, joyful presence – for both grandkids and our adult children.

I’ve come to believe that our main jobs as grandparents are beautifully simple and surprisingly hard:

• Adore our grandchildren.
• Adore our adult children.
• Try not to control everybody.

That last part is where many of us struggle. Families today are complicated. Parents are stretched thin. Grandparents often want to help but don’t always know where the line is between support and intrusion. Adult children may feel grateful one minute and judged the next. Everyone is trying their best while carrying different expectations, different parenting experiences, and different emotional triggers.

And then there’s the guilt. So much guilt.

Parents feel guilty setting boundaries.
Grandparents feel hurt by those boundaries.
Your adult children may feel torn between caring for their kids and protecting your feelings. It’s no wonder so many families feel stuck in tension they don’t quite know how to talk about.

That’s why our upcoming workshop, “A Sandwich Generation Guide,” matters so much to me.

I think many grandparents are quietly grieving the loss of the authority they once had, parents are desperately trying to establish confidence in themselves without disappointing the people who raised them.

Those are tender dynamics. And they deserve compassion, honesty, humor, and better tools. I’m still learning those tools myself every single day. Sometimes I succeed beautifully. Sometimes I hear myself speaking and think, “Stop talking!”

But I’m getting better at pausing. Better at listening. Better at remembering that my daughter is not a child anymore — she’s a mother. A very good one.

And my grandchildren don’t need me to rescue them from their parents. They need me to love and respect their parents, too.

Join us on May 28, 2026, at 12 pm for How to Set Boundaries with Grandparents (Without Guilt): A Sandwich Generation Guide. Questions? Email us at Solutions@Peaceathomeparenting.com

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