peace at home parenting get kids to listen cooperate

How to Get Kids to Listen: 7 Simple Gems to Win Cooperation

Peace at Home May 29, 2018 | admin

Parents often ask how to make kids listen and follow directions, how to stop yelling and nagging, and how to teach children respect. The truth is, the way parents speak impacts children’s ability to listen. Here are seven tips to help you get kids to listen without yelling.

1. Ask for what you DO want – avoid DON’T

“Walk please,” delivered in a positive, encouraging tone of voice works better than “Stop running!” delivered in an exasperated, threatening tone. Point to what you want. You get more of what you draw attention to.  This is the most positive and effective way to get kids to listen and follow the rules.

2. Describe the effect of your child’s behavior on you

Say, “I can’t understand you when you use that voice,” instead of “Stop whining!” Combine this simple description of how that voice effects you, with ignoring the tone of voice you hope to eliminate. You never want to reward undesired behavior with attention (even negative attention like nagging, reminding or coaxing), or you will get more of that negative behavior.

3. Ask a gentle question to help your child remember rules

“How do we ask?” helps your child remind himself of the rules without you nagging. Again, only respond to the request when asked nicely.

4. Help your child notice important messages

“Can you tell me what I said?” invites your child to take an active part. Notice your tone of voice with this question. Refrain from an angry or threatening, “What did I say?” Some children can get triggered into a power struggle rather than cooperation depending on your tone of voice and approach.

5. Offer a second chance 

It’s nice to have another chance, even for adults. “Try again,” or “Let’s have a redo,” are very economic verbal prompt. Remember, fewer words is always best.

6. Your compassion will get kids to listen

“I know it’s hard,” is an eloquent empathy statement, which can be very encouraging. Your goal as a parent is to encourage, or put “courage in,” the child so she wants to try again. Too much correction or criticism can drain children.

7. CELEBRATE OFTEN & ENTHUSIASTICALLY

“I noticed you followed my directions the very first time. Thank you so much for listening so well!” Catch your child being good. Be warm and enthusiastic. Describe their behavior in simple positive words and maybe add a gentle touch or gesture, like a hug or high five. We call this the “Praise That Works.” This type of descriptive praise is the single most powerful way to encourage more cooperation and get kids to listen. Children who frequently display challenging behaviors need this the most. It may be hard to find their cooperative behaviors, but the effort to focus on those will improve behavior in the long run – and strengthen your connection and their self-worth at the same time.

For more parenting support, please join us for an Upcoming Live Class  or browse our Catalog of Recorded Content including Quick Video Solution Libraries with handouts.  Questions? Email us at Solutions@Peaceathomeparenting.com 

TOPICS

Related Posts

Peace at Home

Let’s Increase Awareness AND Acceptance During Autism Awareness

About 1 in 44 children in the US have a diagnosis of autism, according to the CDC. It’s

Peace at HomeMarch 23 , 2023
Peace at Home

There’s No Such Thing As Perfect: Reduce Stress

Whether you grew up striving for straight A’s, or you spend your work time stressing about the most

Peace at HomeMarch 21 , 2023
Peace at Home

Conversations That Build Self Worth for Your Child

We speak to our children all day, every day, and the words we use are of paramount importance.

Peace at HomeMarch 07 , 2023
Peace at Home

Every Marriage is a Cross-Cultural Experience

Before having children, many couples spend time talking about the basics of what having children will look like.

Peace at HomeFebruary 24 , 2023
Peace at Home

Are You a Member of a Company ERG

No matter what industry you’re in, work-life harmony is extremely important to well being and success—both at home

Peace at HomeFebruary 24 , 2023
Peace at Home

Mom’s Role: What’s Different, What’s the Same and

There’s no doubt about it—a mother’s role in the home has evolved over time, for better or for

Peace at HomeFebruary 19 , 2023

Join our mailing lists for more parenting tips

Peace at Home