Peace at Home Blog

So You’ve Dropped Your Child Off at College: Navigating Your New Role as a Parent

August 2024 | Marc Lehman

The car is unpacked, the dorm room is set up, and you’ve said your goodbyes. As you drive away from campus, a mix of emotions washes over you – pride, excitement, and yes, a touch of worry. Your teen is becoming an adult. Your child is embarking on a new chapter, and so are you. 

Welcome to the world of parenting a college student!

Understanding Your New Role

You’ve probably always hoped that your child would become a happy, successful, independent adult. College is a time for adolescents to develop crucial life skills and transition into adulthood. That said, your child still needs your love and support. Your role has changed, but it has not in any way ended. 

One of the biggest challenges parents face is knowing when to lean in and when to step back. At Peace At Home Parenting Solutions, we hear from parents regularly that this is a particularly challenging transition. You’re not alone in feeling unsure as you navigate this new season of parenting. Here are some guidelines as you enter this uncharted territory.

Find Balance: Giving Support While Fostering Independence

1. Communicate, without hovering.
   Regular check-ins are great, but allow your child space to navigate their new environment. Don’t expect a call or text every hour or even every day. If they aren’t calling or texting as much as they were in the first day or two after drop-off, this could be a sign that they are making friends and finding their place on campus. (That said, sudden behavior changes can be warning signs of mental health concerns, so watch for a change in communications after your child has settled into a routine.)
2. Encourage problem-solving.
   Encourage your young adult to advocate for themself and become a problem solver. When your child faces challenges, resist the urge to tell them what to do. Instead, guide them towards finding their own solutions. Rather than saying, “You should really schedule a time to meet with your advisor,” try “That sounds really hard. What do you think you might do?” Assure them that you believe they are capable of handling their problems. If you’ve been in the habit of suggesting solutions to your child, they might often expect you to give them answers. Invite their suggestions, invite them think about what might be the outcomes of their ideas and ask them to let you know how their approaches work out. You may have to really make an effort to refrain from giving solutions but in the long run, that will be most helpful to your child. Let your child know you’re there if they need you, but allow them to handle day-to-day issues on their own.
3. Listen.
   Be a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. Your child may be experiencing a mix of excitement and anxiety. It’s not uncommon for a parent to receive a phone call from a teary, homesick young adult child. Listen to their feelings without judgment and without giving solutions. Reflect back their emotions and the content of their problems to be sure you understand. Express your confidence in their ability to find their way even with these challenges. Being a gentle, compassionate listener will support your relationship with your child for years to come.
4. Be curious.
   Ask your child to share about their new experiences and respond with interest and without judgment. In this developmental stage, your young adult is still forming their identity. That may mean trying on identities that you would not choose for them. Criticism can harm their self-worth and your relationship. Remember that they are their own person and you protect their wellbeing and mental health best when you support them to express their authentic self. 
5. Be honest.
   While you’re trying to figure out this new role, it’s okay to tell your child that this is new for you too. You can tell them that you want them to be independent, but that you are there for them when they need you.You can ask for feedback about how to best be supportive to them. 
6. Be gentle with yourself and your child.
   Recognize that this is brand new for you and your college freshman. There are bound to be some missteps and there may be disappointments. You may have hoped they would come home for Labor Day, but they want to stay for an event on campus. This may feel like them pushing away but i’ts an exciting step toward the independence you hope they will gain.  

Remember, this transition is an opportunity for both you and your child to grow. By finding the right balance between support and independence, you can help your child thrive in their new environment while also adjusting to your new role as the parent of a college student.

At Peace At Home Parenting Solutions, we’re here to support you through this journey. In our upcoming workshop series for parents of college freshmen, we will delve deeper into these topics and provide you with practical strategies for navigating this new phase of parenting.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Let’s embrace this new chapter together, supporting our children as they spread their wings.

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